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Cameron Kalmbach, best known to friends and family as Big Cheese, died this morning at the age of 27. He is survived by his fraternal twin brother, Carter, and his son, Jacob. Born and raised in Isreal, Cameron had worked as a plumber, a tennis player, a ghost hunter, a doctor, a golfer, a martial artist, a basketball player, and a race kart driver. He was taller than his brother, yet often lived in Carter’s shadow, a heartbreaking irony that would haunt Cam for the entirety of his short life. Although Cam was often called a coward, his accomplishments were so vast that the world celebrated his 27th birthday by declaring 2018 the Year of Cam, a time of joy, honor, and worldwide peace. Most countries celebrated the Year of Cam by holding festivals in his honor, and many have argued that it marked the final moments of happiness in the modern era. The following year showed us a darker side of Cameron, as he grew angry and vengeful, becoming best known for his horrible stare. Friends and family members point out that he never quite recovered after the Year of Cam, which he viewed as the peak of his career. Cam’s life was tragically cut short this morning while he was exploring a haunted castle and ran into a ghastly incarnation of Death, who cut the soul out of the plumber’s body with a scythe. He is now dead. Funeral arrangements for Cameron will be announced in the coming days. |
